Almost...almost

I started mentally writing this post moments after crossing the finish line. It took me a few minutes to get through collecting my medal, a couple water bottles, a mug, and a finisher's shirt. From there I had to shamble through a sea of smiling faces and congratulatory hugs between friends and family members to get to our reunion area. All I wanted to do was lay down. Anywhere would have sufficed.
During that walk from the finish line to the "T" (for TNT runners, get it?) section of the reunion section, I was deep in that overly emotional post-marathon state. You know, the way you get after you've trained for months and have exerted just about every last bit of energy. Of course, I say you as if everyone does feel that way. Maybe it's just me. I didn't know how to feel. The "sweat" in my eyes was from what? pride? disappointment? the Gatorade I kept dumping in my eye instead of my mouth at the aid stations? (literally did that 3 times) relief? I still really don't know what I felt. I knew that I had trained hard for months, often alone. I had changed my diet (#beastmode), denying myself the Mountain Dew, Taco Bell, and ice cream that had been weekly if not daily before. I lost 15 pounds not to look better, feel better, or do better on a PT test (all legit reasons to lose weight if you're trying to), but to run a sub 4 marathon. I did all the things that I knew I had to do between waking up early (Running the Sun Up) and taking it easier than I like on the easy runs. The signs were there. I set PRs in the 5K, 10K, and 1/2 marathon. My coach gave me a gameplan and a friend helped fine tune my strategy. I had a partner with me for nearly the entire race, keeping me on track when I started going too quickly. At mile 22 I smiled, knowing that I had to speed up just a little bit to make the 4 hour "cut-off,"
All that. And my best still wasn't good enough. I "should" be able to run a 3:40 marathon. No, it's not a time to set the world on fire but it would be a ridiculously good time for me. All I was training for is that sub 4. But my best wasn't good enough. It brought me back to a specific karate tournament where I trained 5-6 days a week for nearly a year. We drove from Michigan to Pittsburgh to compete in the national tournament. I got to my division (men's 18-34 year old red belt) for my first match. Then, I got kicked in the head three times within 30 seconds. In my recollection, I think he only threw 3 kicks. That's all he needed. All that hard work that I'd done, and my best wasn't good enough.

Then I saw Terri and Joseph. Rather, I heard Terri calling my name. She gave me a big hug, congratulating me, and Joseph slowly got to his feet to do the same. Shortly thereafter Mila found us. Within minutes Jason, Tracy, and Ryan all showed up. Tracy's excitement over having finished her first marathon in a fantastic time was infectious. Ryan was happy that he decided to do the full instead of cut it short to a half. Terry, Joseph, and I discussed the small rolling hills over the last couple of miles. In short, my bleak thoughts full of self pity were quickly forgotten.
What should I take away from all of this? First, I guess it means that Houston 2017 wasn't my last marathon. The biggest positive takeaway was the way I approached the race. Terri's plan of "warming up" by slowly picking up speed through the course absolutely worked. I didn't exactly hit a wall, just couldn't accelerate enough to get to what I needed. There also was a problem trying to align my watch with the course's measurements. One section in particular, from 30k-35k, my watch has me averaging 9:12 whereas the Houston site has me averaging 9:34. By time I realized how much I needed to make up, I just couldn't go. Another positive was that it wasn't my mind that failed me this time. It was my body. That, for me, is much easier to accept.
I'm going to walk away from this race happy. If I never beat a 4:03:44, I'm happy with it as a PR. (And, hey, my watch has it at 4:01.) I trained hard for 6 months to improve my PR from a 4:18 in December 2015 to 4:12 in December 2016 and 4:03 in January 2017. I am grateful that Terri took the time to work on a personalized training program for all those months and then the race day plan. I am grateful for all the support from the rest of the TNT runners and the local RWB and SARL folks that I was able to train with. I am grateful that Ryan ran the first 22ish miles with me, helping keep me on track. Most of all I am grateful to Mila. My streak of marathon PRs while Mila is there is still going. She lets me drag her all over the state, driving 13 hours within a 36 hour window. I got her up at 5 am on a Sunday to see me run through a start line, then hang out alone for 4 more hours until I finished, where she was waiting with my flip flops and a fresh shirt. She deals with my early mornings, does my sweaty, nasty laundry, and completely supports my running addiction. I'm extremely lucky to have her.

Neither of our phones work all that often so we only got a couple of pictures. I stole a couple of these from some friends as well.